Zoom out Alexander Simdyanov

Z1The events in Vladivostok showed that the cemetery of creative zombies had its own administration and all the events around VS were not random in nature. But it was unnatural for me to leave VS just like that without showing a response "fuck you". Having gathered strength, I went with the group to Riga for another festival. Points above "i" in the relations with the group were placed, but I had to shed my anger at the concert for the humiliation caused to me in Vladivostok. Maybe there was an excess in the expression of my negative emotions at the concert: an audio speaker fell off the wall onto someone's head in the hall, a ramp with spotlights nearly fell on me. It did not reach me about a meter and hung on the tethers. Being in the heat of battle, under the influence of concert adrenaline, I did not notice it. It was simply too hot and too light. Zoom Riga was followed by a trip to Moscow, where I saw firsthand how the real "masters of psychedelia" "expand their consciousness", when I accidentally, without invitation, looked into one of the hotel rooms, where Syndrome gathered in an environment hangouts. It still remains a mystery for me why this secret gathering was held with not locked doors. But the scene which I saw clearly proved to me that the main method of comprehending the concept of VS had not philosophical, but purely chemical properties and origin. I stubbornly did not want to believe my eyes, I had to pick up slack jaw. It was impossible to understand it. Music itself was a strong influence on my consciousness. For me it was mysticism, philosophy and my religious beliefs. In it I spent real life, which did not need doping, and if dependence on them had appeared, it would have been just destroyed. Upon reflection, I concluded that my war with the self-destroyers was quite absurd in principle and it was unreasonable to remain in the group. Even assuming that some of the musical material of the group was of some interest, it was clear that the train VS raced into the tunnel, at the end of which there was no lumen, and I did not expect for myself anything good in this tunnel. Study of the sick world of sick people was not only painful, but in some ways - contagious pastime. Avoiding contact with undesirable in life, it was impossible to avoid it in the music I perceived. I finally left the group in St. Petersburg, just before the performance of Syndrome, at the Youth Palace, 23.12.1990. The countdown of my stay in VS approached zero. By that point my participation in Syndrome had lost all meaning. Even internal dissent and continuous mental altercation with the group had disappeared. I did not need to prove anything to anybody or to defend. It is pointless to go on stage in such a group, as VS, without imaging own role and mission. Any drum machine or sequencer could play the desired notes, and by that time my various roles in the group had already been fully played, the feelings had been experienced, emotions had been exhausted and I had no reason to go on stage. Therefore, shortly before the concert, I got up, gathered my tour suitcase, which inseparably accompanied me to camp life with Syndrome, and silently left without further explanation of the reasons which had long been clear to everybody as it is. But I answered Bityokov's question "Where are you off to?" rather rudely, because you should not ask people such questions, to which you have no right to get answers.

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